Article - divorce and separation

Save Your Relationship

by Dr. Brenda Shoshanna

So many times relationships start out wonderfully, the person is joyous and feels as if they’ve found, “the one”. Then as time passes, they begin to wonder where has the love gone? Many feel lost when this happens. They do not know what went wrong, or what steps need to be taken to make things right again.

It seems to many that love is a mystery. When one relationship ends, they fear they may never find someone new, or be able to love again. Or, even when things are going well, unexpected obstacles can arise that seem to difficult to overcome. Tremendous amounts of time and emotion are spent trying to figure out what is going on.

But stop a moment and think about it. You would never try to build a building without first getting an architect’s plan. Without a strong foundation, any passing storm would easily knock the building down. The same is true of relationships. Although we learn many things during years of schooling, most never have the opportunity to learn the basic laws of loving relationships, what is required to make them work.

So many jump into relationships wanting to fly to the heights without having any understanding at all of how to build a solid foundation that will allow their relationship to stand strong. However, just as an architect knows and respects the laws of gravity, we too must know and work with the basic laws of love. These laws operate unfailingly. They are the cornerstone of all relationships and guidelines for the human heart. Once we learn and apply the basic laws of love, it is truly impossible to fail at love. No matter what happens.

Unfortunately, rather than learn these simple laws, most have absorbed many myths and fantasies. They then suffer greatly when their dreams do not come to pass and either blame themselves and others. However, it is extremely important to realize that the only thing that causes hurt, loss, or distress in relationships are the fantasies we hold onto. Once we replace these fantasies with the simple laws of love, a whole new world opens. Confusion is cleared up and we naturally see the right steps to take.

To begin with, let us absorb this law #1. It is impossible to fail at love.

No one is a failure in love. Our mistakes, losses, confusion and mishaps do not arise because of love. They arise simply out of our ignorance of who we are and what love truly is.

In order to recognize real love, we must move onwards to law #2. There is a difference between real and counterfeit love.

Counterfeit love is based upon the idea that love is an emotion, a wonderful feeling, not a way of life. In counterfeit love, when we have strong feelings towards someone, we immediately assume that we are in love. But all feelings naturally change, that is their nature. Many feel that love is leaving when this happens. They do not realize that it is the nature of feelings to change, and that this is also the nature of counterfeit love.

Counterfeit love is confusion between excitement, dependence, attachment and love. Real love does not fluctuate. We do not reject the other person if they do not meet our needs. Real love grows through action. It is love is a verb, upon deeds of kindness, value and respect. It knows that the foundation of lasting relationships is built something deeper than feelings that come and go.

Love brings fulfillment, healing, kindness, warmth and inspiration. Let us separate truth from error here. If this is not what's going on in your relationship, it is not an expression of love. But it is easy to save your relationship. Let us learn how to build relationships that are based on a strong foundation. Once you learn and practice the laws of love you will not only save your relationship, but become all you were meant to be.